Several years ago, I was singing the baby blues. I had just delivered our first kid, a beautiful little baby girl and by the time we brought her home I was filled with a wave of emotions. I remember being so upset with myself… My husband and I had been married without children for five years! During this time, we traveled, went on last minute adventures, and had nothing tying us down. After we had our daughter, I couldn’t see her as our new adventure but just as the reason our fun and carefree life was ending. It wasn’t as if she was an unplanned pregnancy; we had been trying for a while to have a baby. There was just this disconnect between me and her. I worried that my husband would blame me for “ruining his life”. I cried every night after I put her to bed, thinking about how tired I was and how things were never going to be the same. People would come over to see the new addition to the family and I would just get so overwhelmed. I thought, “Will they notice how depressed I am?” or “Will they see that I ‘m not bonding with my baby like I’m supposed to?” I felt like I was drowning with no hope, and no end in sight while my mind raced at the thought of “What will happen if this doesn’t go away… or gets worse?” Afraid of what was going to happen I decided to talk to my husband about my feelings one night; I told him, “please don’t think bad of me” as I explained my situation. It’s now been four years and I still remember how he listened, hugged me and said, “these are normal feelings and they will get better. You just have to keep talking about it with me” (Great guy, right?!). It wasn’t long after we talked that I started to feel better. The worry and sadness started to wash away and I began feeling hopeful and happy. That time of my life was scary and when we got pregnant with our second, I feared it would all happen again and maybe this time it would be worse. Thankfully, I had no baby blues with my newborn baby boy. My only regret was that I wished I could have bonded immediately with my daughter as much as I did with my son, but postpartum depression was something I could not control. I survived it just like so many others out there. Life gets better and being a mother is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

The three most common disorders include baby blues (BB), postpartum depression (PPD), and postpartum anxiety (PPA). BB are the least severe of the postpartum mood disorders. Occurring in 50 to 75 percent of women after childbirth, it can develop within the first week of giving birth and typically lasts one to two weeks. Women with BB have mood swings that include feelings of being overwhelmed and the need to cry. Luckily, good sleep and a support system, such as family and friends to talk to, can help alleviate it. PPD, occurring in 15 percent of births, consists of more debilitating symptoms to include withdrawing from family and friends and having no interest in the baby. Sometimes alongside PPD, PPA (occurring in 10 percent) can occur. The feeling of impending fear that something bad is going to happen, racing thoughts, and panic attacks are some of the more common symptoms of PPA. These three most common disorders should be taken seriously, no matter how severe the symptoms. Treatment begins by talking to someone.

According to Women’s Health (2015), for most women, postpartum depression symptoms are not significantly debilitating. The symptoms can go away on their own within a week or two or resolved by speaking with a trained health professional. However, there are a few more serious mood disorders that require immediate attention and possible medicinal intervention. One of which, postpartum obsessive-compulsive-disorder (PPOCD), occurs in three to five percent of women. An individual suffering from PPOCD becomes overly occupied with keeping their baby safe. They feel compelled to do things over and over again, like cleaning a bottle repeatedly and they can even begin to fear alone time with the child. Another disorder, postpartum traumatic stress disorder (PPTSD), occurs in one to six percent of women who had a real or perceived trauma during childbirth (i.e. emergency c-section). Nightmares, flashbacks and hypervigilance are some of the many symptoms these women can experience. The last and most severe postpartum disorder is called postpartum psychosis (PPP). PPP occurs in less than one percent of women and can occur very sudden. Symptoms can include bizarre behavior, suicidal thoughts, and hallucinations. In some cases, women have thoughts of hurting their baby. PPP is a medical emergency that requires immediate action. It’s important to seek help immediately if one experiences any of the PPP symptoms.

Postpartum depression and it’s six subcategories range from mild to severe. Whether a mother begins to experience BB or PPP, it is important to talk. Talk to a spouse, family member, friend, or, preferably, a health professional because depression affects the baby too. Symptoms may not go away on their own. It may take help, and women should not be afraid to ask. What is most important is the health of the baby, as well as that of the mother. Treatments can include counseling and or medicine such as antidepressants. It’s important to remember that taking medication and or going to talk to someone does not make you weak or be bad mother, instead, it helps finding the needed support to continue to do the wonderful job moms are already doing ☺.

Do I Have A Form Of Postpartum Depression?. 2015. Retrieved from https://americanpregnancy.org/first-year-of-life/forms-of-postpartum-depression/

Postpartum Depression. 2018. Retrieved from https://www.womenshealth.gov/mental-health/mental-health-conditions/postpartum-depression

It takes a large amount of conscious effort to stay positive and think happy thoughts. There are some people who struggle with the never-ending stress and worry. Their mind begin to view these feelings as imminent danger. A rush of adrenaline worsens the problem because you know you are overreacting. You begin to worry that you are starting to have a panic attack, which only increases the body’s reaction. Before you know it, you are actually having a full-blown panic attack: tight throat, shaky hands, racing heart, chest pain, rapid breathing, and muscle tension. It can feel as though you are having a heart attack and fear for your life. These severe symptoms can impact one’s career, social life and family life.

Anxiety doesn’t always have to involve full-blown panic attacks. It can be a silent condition.  There are times when we worry about every little tiny detail. We may think about whether people are judging us, evaluating us, criticizing us. Did I use the right words? Did I just make a fool of myself and sound stupid? We end up not meeting our own ridiculous standards and then feeling disappointed in ourselves. We want to be perfect (whatever that means) and better (again, what is that mean?) than everyone else to be worthy, but we all know, in reality, that’s not possible. We don’t have to let these emotions control us, but guide us in the right direction. If we are experiencing anxiety you may want to pay attention to what those signs are trying to let you know and then change the route. Life can get better and though there will still be bad days/moments, talking to someone about your anxiety issues will help you have more good days than bad. It’s time we take care of ourselves and take a moment to breathe. Remember, living with anxiety takes a strength most people will never understand. It’s time to take control.

These feelings are completely normal, but what happens when feelings of unhappiness, sadness, and even hopelessness happen more often than not? It’s probably time to talk about your depression symptoms. With depression, everyday tasks become chores. We can feel tired, down, or maybe irritable. We get this idea in our head that, “no I can’t be depressed, I have a great life”. But depression is not all about what we have and don’t have in our lives. Depression is an illness caused by a number of things. It can be triggered by traumatic events in our lives, medical conditions like brain changes, it can be genetic, or it can be the consequence of us living an unbalanced life. If left untreated the symptoms of depression can be devastating. I know people, both men and women, who kept these feelings of depression to themselves. They were afraid to burden their loved ones with their problems, felt like no one would understand, or worse yet, that no one cared about them. The fear of rejection or being misunderstood kept them from saying anything, but I can tell you that it is important to talk to someone. The sooner you seek help to resolve depression symptoms, the better. No one should ever believe they are a disappointment for your feelings. Depression can happen to men, women, and children. Men can fear being considered weak or weak-minded when talking about their depression symptoms. Women may fear being judged as overly emotional or lazy. Riley from Inside Out couldn’t keep her sadness inside any longer and although she was afraid her parents would be mad, finally decides to talk to her parents and says “you need me to be happy… please don’t be mad”. By detecting and diagnosing depression early many people can get their lives back on track. Unlike most people where depression symptoms occur once in their lives, others can experience depression for months to even years.  Treatments for depression by a trained and licensed professional (s) can include counseling, medication and/or a combination of these two.

Like many parents/caregivers you want the best for your child and it is natural to worry when your child is not doing very well in school. Most importantly, parents do not want to see their children struggle academically as this can be stressful at home, can bring their self-esteem down and can jeopardize the ability for them to keep giving the best of them at school.

We all learned different. Some are quick to grasp content and others have to take the time to process and then learn the material. Some are visual learners while others are all about what and how they hear things. And some need both, to hear it and to see it in order to effectively learn.

If your child is struggling in school take an active role as a parent; build a positive relationship with your child’s teacher in order to effectively communicate the concerns you have but also for you, as a parent, to understand your child’s academic (and emotional) difficulties interfering with their learning.

Number 1

Talk to your child’s teacher about their overall performance and identify areas of difficulty: reading, writing, math, behavior? Do they have difficulty grasping math concepts? Or do they struggle with language arts? Do they struggle putting into words their ideas? Do they have difficulty understanding what they read?  It is very important to recognize areas of difficulty so proper steps can be taken.

Number 2

After talking to your child’s teacher discuss the problem with your pediatrician so they can asses for medical causes and/or other clinical symptoms that can be impacting academic performance. Some medical problems that can interfere with school include sleeping problems, poor diet, low iron, pain, thyroid problems, untreated asthma, emotional difficulties, ADHD symptoms, life changes, etc..

Number 3

Know your child’s rights. There are two federal civil rights laws that protect the educational rights of children with disabilities: Section 504, and the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). These laws provide guidance for the education of all students with disabilities in public school that receive federal funds. Section 504 defines disability more broadly than IDEA, so it may be less difficult to qualify for and may get implemented faster. IDEA is best known for its main provision, the IEP, or Individualized Education Program. An IEP can be harder to qualify for and can take longer to get, though it may offer more comprehensive educational benefits. In summary, section 504 is for children whose educational needs can be addressed through changes in the general classroom and curriculum. Some examples of student accommodations under section 504 include a more structured learning environment, extra time during tests, option to test in a quieter area to minimize distractions, etc. An IEP provides a more comprehensive educational plan as compared to section 504.

Number 4

Once you have spoken to your child’s provider and have determined that your child may benefit from school support, request a formal evaluation in writing. The school has between 30 days and 6 weeks to answer your request and to complete an evaluation of your child’s need for educational services. To determine eligibility for services under Section 504, a school may consider several sources on your child, including grades over past years, teacher reports, information from parents or other agencies, discipline reports, health records, attendance records, and adaptive behavior information.

Number 5

Take an active role by participating in team meetings about your child’s accommodations, progress and additional concerns. Be prepared for meetings by obtaining information about the kind of support and accommodations your child can receive, don’t be afraid of asking questions, be open minded and cooperative, take notes and request a copy of any reports or paperwork discussed.

How do you deal with the stress that comes with motherhood?

Take care of yourself first! There is no way you can take care of others, run your house, go to work, get errands done, drop off and pick up kids to and from school and to other activities, constantly keep up with the family calendar, have a social life, and manage your life and the life of your kids if you do not put yourself first. I truly believe that meeting basic human needs can help us get through the mommy marathon. I often talk to my clients about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, categorized in 3 main domains: 1. Basic Needs- physiological and safety needs (air, water, food shelter, sleep, clothing, sex, and feeling safe); 2. Psychological Needs- belongings and love needs, and esteem needs; and 3. Self-fulfillment Needs- achieving one’s full potential, including creative activities. When it comes to motherhood protecting your sanity and health, those basic and psychological needs play a huge role in the way we tackle and conquer every day.

What is the importance of basic needs? What should I focus on?

In order for our body to function correctly we need vital things such as air to breath, water to drink, food to eat, sleep to rest, and feeling safe. Mom’s often forget about these basic needs while trying to tend to their children, especially the little ones that have so many needs.  I like to emphasize the most basic needs: air, water, food and sleep.

Air– is an easy one, the only thing to do here is to remember to inhale and exhale, slowly and deeply during stressful moments.

Water– daily water intake is good for your overall health. Water prevents dehydration that can cause confusion and mood changes, can relieve constipation, prevent kidney stones and help you cope with the heat. Make sure to have a water bottle with you at all times so it is easier to remember to get your daily water intake.

Food (Healthy)- healthy eating is the fuel of the body and the mind. Our bodies respond to what we eat; a poor diet can negatively impact our overall health (including our psychological health). Unhealthy eating is associated with mood changes, feeling tired/sleepy, concentration difficulties, poor work/school performance and health risks including cardiovascular diseases, diabetes, and obesity. A healthy diet is simple. Eat food that are as close as possible to the way nature made it; avoid processed and artificial looking foods. Pick colorful foods (fruits and vegetables) that will decorate your plate while bringing many nutritional benefits. Cook at home and take control over your intake of carbohydrates and sugar. Watch portion sizes and snack smart (nuts, veggies, fruits).

Make meal time a family/social affair. Do not eat alone or in front of the tv. These behaviors can create bad habits, associating food with the wrong purpose of why we need to eat. Unhealthy patterns are difficult to break, but once we become aware and change them we become better at maintaining good eating habits.

And most importantly remember to eat at least 3 balanced meals. No matter how busy you are – do not starve yourself, make eating a priority during the day.

Sleep– this is probably my favorite, not just because I enjoy sleeping but because I believe in the power of a good night’s sleep. Every night we go through 5 different sleep stages that help us to restore and repair many physiological functions, consolidate new information, and prepare us for the next day. Short sleep duration is one of the strongest risk factors for obesity as it mediates numerous factors, including hormones and motivation to exercise and eat healthy. Poor sleep is also linked to low academic/work performance, depression and other emotional difficulties.

A good night’s sleep- typically 7-8hrs for adults can result in effective weight management, better cognitive abilities such as storing valuable information in our long term memory, improved learning capacity, better focus and attention, feeling energetic and refresh, and a better mood.

What about psychological needs?

After basic needs have been met, this is where I focus next. Having a healthy body and mind are essential to not only care for others but also to support our children. Psychological needs can be met through feeling connected and supported to our family, friends and/ or community. Staying in touch with your social support system can be challenging for a busy mom. It is very important to continue to feel connected socially, and to have a space to share/laugh/or cry with others about life. And yes super mom, it is more than OK to ask for help- we cannot do it all by ourselves!

With technology we can do a pretty good job staying in touch with others. However, be cautious! When spending too much time on social media you can be at risk of developing FOMO (fear of missing out: “anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on social media”. This addictive pattern of having to check social media constantly can bring about many unsettling emotions- feeling left out, negatively comparing ourselves to others, jealousy, and most importantly wasting our time and keeping us from living in the present.  Just like you are ask your kids to get off electronic devices you need to also limit your screen time. Be aware when you are being sucked in by others posts that are impacting the way you feel and behave. Are you afraid of missing out? Do not miss out on your own life! Look around you…..

Another way to meet our psychological needs is exercise. Daily physical activity has multiple benefits to our health and overall well-being. Physical activity can help the body and mind cope with stressors while making your body stronger. During any type of physical activity our bodies concentrate in the movements and put away worries and other problems that often occupy our mind. By giving ourselves a break we are reminded that things are not that bad, that we can identify the way out. Enjoy yourself by adopting any type of activity that you actually enjoy doing. It can be running, walking, crossffit, Zumba, weight lifting, or a combination of multiple activities. The idea is to move more!

What about self-fulfillment needs? I am barely meeting my basic needs so I do not think I have time to explore those kind of needs.

Self-fulfilment needs develop throughout the life span- they fluctuate especially during motherhood when many take on different roles, put careers on hold, or in redefining our purpose in life. During motherhood, we often question ourselves for mistakes we think we have made and feel that we are failing as moms. However, self-fulfillment needs take a different approach in this stage of life- there is a high need for high functioning brains that are ready to plan, problem-solve, overcome and cope with the daily challenges of being a mom. As moms we actually excel in this one as we are constantly using all sorts of resources and specific areas of the brain that allow us to keep going, raising our kids the best we can.  

Yes, I admitted, there are tons of ups and downs during this time; times where you want to sit and cry but just remember that at the end of the day when you see your children sleeping sweetly you cannot help to think how worth it is to be a mom!